April Newsletter 18, 2026
Volcanic Islands and the Long Tail of Grief - Part 1
Short Karen suggested the three of us get back to traveling for fun instead of the business of our book. We chose the Azores Islands—easy to travel to, inexpensive, and with a European flavor. We received more value than we anticipated. We discovered more about ourselves and each other, much like our visit to the Moroccan hammam described in our book’s introduction.
The self-discoveries tend to be long, so we’ve opted to present our stories in three parts. We start the series with Tall Karen’s story.
Tall Karen’s Story
Exploring Grief Through Productive Down Time
In my late 40s, I survived my father's death and then, just six months later, the death of my husband, Sam. The profound grief left me spiraling emotionally downward, a state I struggled to escape when I was alone. Yet the outside world thought I was holding my own and moving forward. While becoming the new person I described in our book, I was too busy creating a new life and trying to ignore the aspects of grief to deal with them. The reality was, I was trying to keep my head above water. Recently, I understood how I had ignored my grief.
There have been multiple deaths over the past six months in our family, including two that are very close to my heart – Sam’s brother Todd, and his mom, Nancy. I remained close with both of them after Sam’s death, and Nancy and Todd easily incorporated Bob (my second husband) into their family. This time, grief has hit me in a very different way.
Nancy’s health had been declining over the past few years, but Todd was always there to take care of her and brighten her day with his wry sense of humor and loud, boisterous personality. When he was killed last November, he left a gaping hole in our lives, especially Nancy’s. What I didn’t realize was the way that grief affected me, and even more so after Nancy’s death last month. My girls and I have lost the last living connections of Sam’s family —a finality that has outweighed my ability to manage it.
While I recognized that I was grieving, I did not realize how all-encompassing it was becoming after Todd’s death. The unfairness of Todd’s death created an additional dimension of sorrow. A part of me chalked it up to the fact that I never took time to process Sam’s death, as I was busy running a business and trying to survive emotionally. I felt that I might have to deal with these emotions now, but as usual, I’m good at denying them and finding things to do so I don’t have to ‘feel’ too deeply.
My grief became deeper after Nancy’s death last month. My days were filled with sadness. I could not find joy in anything. I would wander around the house trying to decide what to do, but nothing interested me. I frequently lost my patience and was triggered by so many things that would normally be a slight annoyance. I didn’t realize how deeply grief was affecting me, especially after Nancy’s death.
When Nancy had a stroke in late Feb, I selfishly wished that her illness would not affect my sixteen- day trip planned with Karen and Rebecca. Although I wasn’t too excited about the trip—which is unusual for me—I knew it was a break I needed. What I didn’t realize is how much I needed that break!
Nancy did pass the week before I left, but for various reasons, the girls decided to wait until mid-April for the service, well after I came home. So, off to the Azores I went, hoping just to relax and get away from everything. Who knew that it was exactly what I needed?
I knew there would be downtime in our days, and normally, I take something to do – hand sewing, coloring, books, etc. This time, I had only my Kindle to play games and a book about trauma and grieving. I did not have the energy to think about anything else. Which turned out to be a blessing! The very first evening, I was telling Rebecca and Karen about how I’d been feeling with my depression-like symptoms. Their listening, wise questions, and conversation sparked my need to start journaling again (I used to do it all the time, but hadn’t in years). The next day, I bought a journal and had it almost completely filled by the time we left!
Journaling allowed me to recognize the trauma I’ve been experiencing, and get my thoughts and feelings down in coherent words that I could now begin to understand and heal. Karen and Rebecca’s periodic questions and check-ins with me were helpful in summarizing what I’d been writing about and beginning to recognize solutions, the most important of which is mindfulness: Be mindful of how I’m feeling at any given moment, especially if I am triggered or feeling down. To think about what I’m feeling, breathe deeply, give it 90 seconds to let it flow through me, and release it.
The two of them were especially good at listening to me talk for long periods about things I thought I had to do. And they were not hesitant to call me out by saying, “Now that you’ve spent all that time and energy deflecting, answer the original question.” Not surprisingly, the original question was about my feelings and emotions.
Since I’m home and back in the ‘real world’, I’m doing my best to be mindful of how I’m feeling and to continue journaling. I’ve begun the practice of “morning pages,” handwriting three pages first thing in the morning to get uncensored thoughts down on paper. The practice is meant to ultimately foster creativity and clarity. I’m also considering the option of seeking a professional to help with past trauma and my grief.
The feeling of loss that is associated with grief will likely never go away completely. Learning to accept grief and mindfully deal with my emotions is a key factor in living a full life. For me, taking a periodic break with the opportunity of substantial downtime is an important aspect of my ongoing healing and living that full life.
Takeaways from Tall Karen’s story.
Grief remains with us. It’s intensity will vary based on our experiences.
There’s a reason the healing of grief is called “work.” It requires acknowledging its presence and choosing to move through it. We must stay in conversation with our grief to learn what it has to teach us and enrich our daily lives.
Friends who understand your experience are valuable for healing.
Travel that takes you out of your daily routine, whether it’s around the world or your local coffee shop, is a good way to step away from life’s pressures; allow yourself time to breathe and sit with your thoughts and feelings.
Short Karen shares her revelations next month. And don’t worry, those volcanic islands play a role in Rebecca’s story.
March Newsletter 2, 2026
Dating with Intention
Understanding what kind of relationship you want is crucial when considering new love after widowhood. Here are some questions to help you clarify your intentions:
- Do you want to remarry? Tall Karen realized she liked being married, so she worked to find a marriage partner.
- Are you seeking a companion for dinners and travel? Short Karen did not want to remarry but wanted someone who was a stimulating thinker who would share activities with her.
- Or are you looking for a partner who still enjoys physical intimacy? This was a very strong desire from several women we talked with during our February speaking tour.
While there are many options for new relationships, many participants in our February presentations struggled to articulate what they truly wanted. If a widow (or widower) isn’t clear about the type of partner they seek, they may end up with fewer beneficial choices of a potential partner. To help define your relationship goals, consider these questions:
- What emotions arise when you think about developing a close relationship? (Do you feel excitement, dread, or something else?)
- How much energy are you willing to invest in building a new relationship?
Our first recommendation is to be honest with yourself about what you want in a partner. It’s equally important to reflect on what kind of partner you aspire to be. Since relationships are formed, not found, consider the self-work you are willing to undertake.
Second, make a list of the characteristics and behaviors that matter to you. For instance, does it matter if your partner matches you in intellectual ability and curiosity? How important are ethical and political standards that align with yours? Should they enjoy activities that align with your lifestyle, like dancing, hiking, traveling, or singing? What importance do you place on financial status? When Short Karen met with one of her Match.com contacts, he told her he didn’t want to be anyone’s Sugar Daddy. Many women have told us they do not want to be “a nurse or a purse.” (Read our January Blogpost about how one woman used the FICO Score as her measurement of financial compatibility.)
Third, communicate with your circle of friends about your interest in finding a partner and the qualities you’re looking for. If you don’t have friends with suggestions of possible dating partners, think about the activities you enjoy—such as art, learning, travel, cooking, food, opera, or church events. Engaging in these activities increases the likelihood of meeting someone who shares your interests.
Fourth, it’s crucial to express your needs clearly to any potential partner as soon as possible. While this honesty can be intimidating, being upfront about your intentions can help you avoid people who may be looking for someone to care for them rather than form a true partnership.
Dating with intention means mindfully choosing your partners. When you are clear about your needs, you can steer clear of those who aren’t the right fit. This clarity allows you to walk away from situations that don’t align with your goals and try again if you choose.
If I Had My Druthers
My father often said, “If I had my druthers,” when he wanted to express a wish for a different choice or outcome. My father’s frequent phrase came back to me yesterday when someone told me she shared our book with a friend who recently lost her spouse.
“If I had my druthers,” I would have preferred for her to have read Widows Among Usbefore facing widowhood. It’s so important to take proactive steps before unforeseen events occur; it’s much like closing the barn door before the horse escapes! By ensuring that couples and their families document essential information about legal and financial accounts, they can significantly lessen the challenges and burdens that come with losing a partner.
Our book is a valuable resource! It comprehensively addresses the many facets of widowhood. The chapter titled “You, the Widow Among Us,” offers crucial insights for anyone who has recently experienced this loss, while Part Four, “How to Help a Widow,” provides useful advice for friends and family eager to lend support.
Yet, I truly wish everyone could delve into the second part, “Mamas, Teach Your Daughters to be Widows.” It emphasizes the importance of equipping family members with the knowledge to alleviate the stress and time-consuming challenges that arise when essential information isn’t organized or easy to access during a crisis.
So here’s my heartfelt “druther”: please consider gifting our book to friends navigating any aspect of widowhood. Even more importantly, encourage your loved ones of all ages to read it as a preventive measure. Remember, the average age for women to become widows is 59.4 years, and that's just an average! If I had my druthers, I would want even your youngest adult friends, your sons, and your daughters to benefit from this wisdom. Let’s empower ourselves and others to face the unexpected with confidence and support! And I’d “druther” that support be sooner rather than later.
-Short Karen
February 1, 2026
How to Advocate for Your Health
Sometimes, it’s simply unexplainable how topics come together. Another topic was selected for this month’s post, yet at the last minute, we decided to change it to health care advocacy.
After both Karens read it, Short Karen spoke about her “Discovery Night Group” who had met the night before. One of their topics that organically entered the conversation was “women don’t talk about how to be your own advocate.” That was synchronicity #1.
Synchronicity #2 was watching The Pitt (tv show on HBOMax) and seeing the last scene where a young woman presents to the ER with swelling in her leg exceeding the Sharpie line.
So, we’ve agreed that someone out there needs to read this information! This post is for you.
* * * * *
Did you know that it has been just thirty-three years since the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) mandated the inclusion of women in government-funded health studies? This pivotal change also requires that data be analyzed to reflect gender differences in both efficacy and outcomes. It’s heartening to see such progress, but we still have a way to go!
Women’s healthcare has seen improvements, yet remnants of outdated cultural beliefs, like the notion that “women are too hormonal,” can still undermine our health journeys. These misconceptions affect various aspects of healthcare, contributing to delays in diagnosing conditions like endometriosis and impacting how pain, mental health, and cardiovascular issues are managed.
Additionally, ageism is another hurdle that many women face when seeking appropriate medical care. Symptoms related to pain, disability, headaches, and heart disease are often brushed aside with comments like, “You’re getting older; you just have to live with it.” We know this isn’t true!
Here are some strategies to help empower you on your health journey that have worked for me in advocating for myself within the medical community. I hope you find them as helpful as I have! (Be prepared for TMI!)
**Document Your Symptoms:** Start by using a calendar or a journal to track your symptoms over time. Be descriptive and include any relevant measurements. Providing data to your healthcare providers can significantly enhance their responsiveness, as many are more inclined to act on concrete numbers than on narrative descriptions. That’s a nice way of saying they respond to DATA.
**Example 1:** When I first entered perimenopause, I noticed extremely heavy menstrual flows that lasted twenty-eight out of thirty days! To illustrate this to my doctor, I meticulously recorded everything on a daily calendar—from the number of tampons I used to details about any clotting, pain, or nausea. When I shared this clear data with my physician, he exclaimed, “Oh, I wish everyone would do this!” As a result, I was able to receive a swift diagnosis and start appropriate treatment.
**Example 2:** Following the death of my husband, I began experiencing a prolonged cardiac arrhythmia. Unfortunately, two cardiologists misdiagnosed me, attributing it to my age alone. Determined to advocate for myself, I bought an Apple Watch to monitor when these episodes occurred. While it's important to remember that the EKG from the watch isn’t definitive, it does provide useful information about the frequency, elevated heart rate, and duration of my episodes. Armed with months of data, I approached a new cardiologist who was then able to properly diagnose and treat my heart issue in just weeks.
**A Sharpie Can Be Your Best Friend:** Something strange showing up on your body? Circle it with a Sharpie and write the date on it. A Sharpie is the best way to mark bruising or swelling/inflammation. If you develop a bruise after an injury, circle the initial bruise. If the bruising continues and expands, circle each new edge of bruising and write the date/time next to it. The Sharpie works just as well on swelling that keeps increasing. Literally, in some cases those Sharpie marks can save your life or limb. Again, the Sharpie marks are visual data which beat a verbal narrative every time. (Watch Season 2, Episode 3 of The Pitt to see the Sharpie line in action. Yes, it’s a dramatization yet it dramatizes a real life situation.)
**Example 3:** I recently managed to “pop” a femoral hernia. I don’t know how, but that thing just showed up one day. Prior to my visit with the surgeon, I circled the hernia with the Sharpie. He saw it immediately and scheduled surgery. I even circled the hernia the day of my surgery. It was one more way to make sure the surgery occurred on the correct side of my body.
**Take Notes and Ask Questions:** Don't shy away from asking questions during your appointments! You are your own best advocate - use your voice!Discuss all treatment options and, and remember: you aren’t obligated to accept the first suggestions. It is crucial to inquire about potential side effects alongside the risks and benefits of each option. Knowledge is power!
**Bring a Friend for Support:** Consider taking someone with you to your appointments. Having a companion can help you take notes and ask questions that might slip your mind in the moment. Personally, due to my hearing impairment, it was incredibly helpful to have my sister join me at appointments where I struggled to understand my new cardiologist’s accent—she helped bridge that gap!
**Seek a Second Opinion If You Need One:** Never hesitate to ask for a second opinion if something doesn’t feel quite right. Your health is your priority, and seeking additional perspectives is an important step toward ensuring you get the best possible care.
In every step of your healthcare journey, remember that you deserve to be heard and understood. Let’s move forward together, advocating for our own health and the health of other women. We have the power to make a positive change!
-Rebecca
January 10, 2026
We’re Not Alone
The Three Widows started 2026 on a high note. Rebecca presented our first speaking engagement of the new year. The topic was “Finding Love the 2nd Time: Conversations About Widowhood.” What truly stood out was the extraordinary way the audience connected and uplifted one another. They shared valuable information, and one story resonated with laughter, acknowledgement, and absolute truth.
To set the scene, one woman asked how to find a legitimate partner who wasn’t out to scam a widow. At this point, another woman shared her friend’s experience.
The friend was standing in line at the bank. A man was in the line behind her.
Man: “You’re pretty attractive. I think I could date you. Do you want to go out for dinner tomorrow?
Friend: turning around, “What’s your FICO score?”
Man: stammering, “I don’t know.”
Friend: “If you don’t know your FICO score, I won’t be wasting any of my time with you.”
Howls of laughter followed. What a brilliant response! Not only did she vet the man as a potential date, but she also left no doubt there would be no further interaction.
A second idea for vetting a potential date was to ask about his (or her) political beliefs. Are those beliefs compatible with your own?
Other suggestions included joining groups at the library or church, volunteering, and taking classes through Adult Learning Institutes.
The stories and suggestions shared by the women highlight that when we come together, we’re not alone in our journeys. We can grow together through our shared experiences. The warmth and support among the members of this group were simply remarkable!
If you or a friend has created a successful date qualifier, we’d love to hear about it. Let us know if we can share it.
Remember, simply by showing up, your presence can help another widow feel less alone.
December 4, 2025
Six Tips to Support a Widowed Friend Over the Holidays
Holidays can be particularly challenging for someone who has lost a spouse. This time of year often brings back memories of shared celebrations and may stir sorrow. The widowed may feel lonely or simply less inclined to join festive activities. It’s completely understandable if they hesitate to join your family for a holiday dinner. Here are six thoughtful ways you can help your widowed friend or family member face the holiday season.
Please note: These suggestions apply to widowers as wnd widows alike.
Offer to Help with Decorations: Consider reaching out to offer your assistance in decorating her home. Whether it’s stringing lights around the porch or trimming a tree together, this shared activity can bring a little joy amidst the sadness. Or, at the end of the season, she might appreciate some help taking down all the decorations.
Invite Her to Bake: If baking brings her comfort, invite her to join you in creating seasonal treats. This can be a lovely way to bond, and you might brighten her day by sharing a few goodies to take home.
Gift Holiday Treats: Preparing the usual holiday meals can be overwhelming, and she may lack the motivation or energy to do it alone. A thoughtful gift of homemade treats like Chex Mix can be a lovely surprise that brings a smile and a touch of warmth.
Send a Card: In a world full of emails, a handwritten card or letter can be a heartfelt gesture. Something she can hold, read, and cherish can really brighten her spirits and remind her she is not alone.
Extend an Invitation: A simple invitation to join you for a holiday activity can mean so much. Local events, caroling, concerts, or even a drive to see holiday lights can provide a few joyful moments, helping to lift her spirits during a challenging time.
Host Her for a Seasonal Treat: Serving a special holiday drink or snack can be a comfortable way to share warmth and companionship. Whether it’s hot chocolate topped with peppermint and whipped cream, glüwein, or a unique cake can create moments of relaxation.
These suggestions can help you make the holiday season just a little brighter for your widowed friend or family member. Your thoughtfulness can demonstrate that even in tough times, they are still cared for and remembered.
The “How to Help a Widow Checklist” found at threewidows.com/checklists provides more suggestions for year-round support.
November 10, 2025
What’s a Widow to Do? The Message of the Hawk
by Rebecca
In Part 1, Short Karen shared her concerns as a widow preparing for orthopedic surgery alone. Part 2 presented a reader’s story that offers a way to approach the transition from hospital to home. Today, we conclude this series with a personal issue for women, a deeply meaningful statement, and the striking symbolism of a hawk encounter.
*****
In my quest for answers on how to manage health challenges as a widow, I engaged with discussions with others during a monthly coffee club. A recurring theme emerged: the fear of being a burden. Many widows facing health issues share this fear and hesitate to ask for assistance with rides, waiting during surgeries, or pickup medications, often influenced by their upbringing as women. There was a tone of hesitation among the group - almost dismissive - around asking for help. Yet, as women (and widows), we need to reframe our view of this action. recognizing that asking for help is an act of love. A profound statement popped through the conversation: “When you refuse to ask for help, you are denying someone else their blessing.” By not asking for help, we may deny others the chance to demonstrate their love and kindness.
One day, during a quiet drive down the interstate with my sister, I confided my own struggles with accepting help, fearing I would be a burden. My sister had accompanied me to three outpatient surgeries in just six months. She reminded me that her helping others is her way of giving back to the people she cares about. She encouraged me to change my mindset regarding asking for help.
As she spoke, I noticed a large hawk launching from the woods. I watched as its yellow beak and black eye grew larger on its inevitable path toward my car. I understood the hawk is a powerful symbol — the messenger that urges one to pay attention. I felt intense anxiety about “hitting the messenger,” a thought that echoed in my mind repeatedly in those brief seconds. Sure enough, the hawk collided with the windshield, bounced off, and flew back into the woods, After several shrieks of “I hit a hawk!” I grasped the message. The hawk’s presence was a clear reminder to approach the act of asking for help with an open heart and mind —delivering its clear message of compassion, connection and love.
So, what should a widow do when she needs help? Ask for it, whether the assistance involves tangible services or problem-solving. There are people who care about us and want to help. Let them have their blessing.
Short Karen three weeks after her knee replacement.
October 3, 2025
What’s a Widow to do? - Part 2
Last month, Short Karen shared her perspective as a widow navigating her healthcare needs. We left September with a request to hear from you, our readers, about suggestions/solutions for care during an illness or surgical recovery.
Our first response comes from a widow whose situation is very similar to Short Karen’s.
Our second response is from someone who found a way to get the care she needed.
*****
“Wow. I have been thinking about this as well. I am childless. My sister and niece live in another state. I have in-laws, but they are not terribly reliable. I a a bit younger than some folks, but I have severe scoliosis of the spine. I just got over a terrible cold and sinus infection. No one from my church contacted me. They never do. I am pretty much alone after the death of my husband nearly 4 years ago. At least he was a source of comfort when deciding whether I needed to see a doctor. I am in sort-of-okay health so far, but my sister is frightened that I am so alone. All your points are so apt. I should have surgery on my left hand, but I can’t be without it while it heals. It is much different for those who are alone. It is something I think about.”
*****
“I have faced similar issues. Although I have family, they did not live in Frederick, so I relied on friends and neighbors to help with the most essential aspects of immediate care: transportation to and from surgery, and a few groceries.”
When I had foot surgery and was unable to navigate the 20 steps to my bedroom, I rented space at a nearby retirement community for about 5 days until I could manage on my own. I had 24-hour care for the first 48 hours, then did reduced care after that. The unit I stayed in was a one-bedroom apartment; meals were delivered for an additional charge.”
“I found it a fantastic bridge service, and was very pleased with the service and care. By the time I left, I was ready to handle self-care. I also knew the neighbors were available to pitch in during an emergency. There wasn’t, but knowing they were there was a real comfort. They did a fabulous job of volunteering to pick up extras at the grocery, or checking in to how things were going.”
“Since the surgery was on my right foot, there were at least 6 weeks when I couldn’t drive. As much as possible, I rotated volunteers to take me to church and appointments.”
*****
The possibility of renting a caregiving space never crossed our minds! Now we know it can be a viable option.
September 2, 2025
What’s a Widow to do?
2025 has been an interesting year for the Three Widows and their health. Collectively, we’ve experienced “walking pneumonia”, a bleeding ulcer, a broken foot, and the need for a knee replacement. Add to that a surprising and unexpected cardiac problem and a hernia repair.
Short Karen shares her perspective as a widow navigating her health care needs.
*****
Dealing with health issues as a widow has been a challenging and exhausting experience for me. I generally enjoy good health, though I do have some troublesome skeletal problems. However, when my health is tested, the realities of being widowed, childless, and living alone become particularly difficult, especially since my family lives five or more hours away. While many of the struggles I face are similar to those experienced by anyone who lives alone, the transition has been hard for those of us who shared decades of life with a spouse.
As the eldest among the Three Widows, I see the world through circumstances unlike those of my peers. When something feels off, health-wise, I no longer have my husband to discuss it with, and my imagination runs wild. I might turn to WebMD or consult an online health advisor, but it doesn’t compare to having his logical support and straightforward caregiving.
If I pull a muscle or break a bone, accessing my phone, which may be in another room, or unlocking the door for someone to help can be quite difficult. Even something as simple as getting to the kitchen to retrieve an ice pack for a pulled muscle can become a painful ordeal.
Asking someone to take me to an urgent care center or requesting help can be embarrassing. I worry about whether my situation is serious enough to warrant assistance. The urgent care process can be lengthy, and I feel guilty about making someone wait for me. Calling for a ride home on short notice adds to my discomfort, and while I could use Uber, Lyft, or a taxi, I am uneasy about relying on strangers.
Tall Karen suggested I consider how I would feel if the roles were reversed and a friend needed help. She encouraged me not to let my desire for independence prevent me from accepting help when it’s offered. However, that’s where my discomfort lies. While many people are willing to help, I often feel my need may be an inconvenience to them. Karen also pointed out that my willingness to ask for help might encourage others to do the same when they need it.
Surgery presents its own challenges. Aside from arranging transportation in both directions, I might need recovery support. Options like staying at a friend’s home or having someone stay with me depend on their work schedules and pet responsibilities. If I had a per, caring for it would add another layer of complexity.
I decided to pay for my cousin and a friend to fly here and arranged for their airport transportation. Although hiring a home healthcare service may cost about the same, I’m uneasy about having strangers in my home while I’m resting.
These alternative may be financially challenging for other widows and highlight the complexities of managing healthcare as a widow or someone living alone.
I wish I had more suggestions to offer, but I don’t. I would love to hear your thoughts and solutions. Please send your comments and ideas to info@threewidows.com and we’ll share your solutions in our next issue.
August 10, 2025
You’re Never Too Young To Prepare
-by Tall Karen -
My daughter, who is in her 30s asked me to speak with her friends about a topic that is very important to me: preparing and organizing essential documents and having crucial “what if” conversations with loved ones. She was only 22 when her father died and lived with me for the year after her college graduation. During that time, she witnessed my anxiety about our financial situation alongside my grief. She and her friends often engage in these significant discussions - in fact, my other daughter even held a tax seminar for a group last year to share knowledge and learn from one another.
A lively group of six gathered, each bringing a unique mix of financial knowledge, relationship status, and concerns. Everyone showed genuine interest in our workbook, “I Didn’t See that Coming!” both for their own understanding and to help their parents. They asked thoughtful questions about budgeting, especially from a recent graduate doctor managing student loans. Other questions included:
the importance and reasons behind life insurance;
how to set up a trust, considering tax implications and property transfer, often for thier parents’ estate planning;
issues faced by unmarried parnters owning joing property and what happens if one passes away unexpectedly;
and ways to protect themselves financially if they’re in a relationship that might not last, especially when funds are shared.
We had a great conversation, and I was delighted to learn that my daughters not only absorbed valuable lessons from my experiences following Sam’s death but are also sharing that knowledge with their friends to help and support them. The earlier you start asking questions and learning about this topic, the better off you and your loved ones will be.
*****
The “I didn’t See That Coming!” workbook is a helpful tool for organizing your important legal, financial, insurance, and other paperwork and information. You can easily purchase if from our website or Amazon. We also love sharing knowledge through presentations and workshop on this topic, so feel free to reach our and arrange a time that works for you!
July 7, 2025
What is an Intentional Friend?
Intentional friendship focuses on building meaningful and purposeful connections. Whether it’s supporting each other’s personal growth or simply enjoying time together, these friendships are nurtured with care and thoughtfulness.
When it comes to supporting a widow being an intentional friend means being present for her, eve if she appears to be managing well on her own. It’s crucial to acknowledge her struggles and offer a listening ear. As a caring friend, you can take small, thoughtful actions to assist her in healing — and you may find healing for yourself in the process. Rather than trying to “fix” everything, concentrate on helping her navigate her new path. Be considerate in your support and encourage her as she faces the challenges ahead. Your friendship can make a significant difference!
For more examples of intentional friendship, refer to out book, “Widows Among Us: Stories and Insights”, Par 4 -”how to help a Widow”, pages 159-169.
June 4, 2025
We have the best audiences! Participants’ questions help us dig deeper and clarify information. Here are some of the questions we’ve received.
Are people with grief-induced brain fog susceptible to scams? (See the May 2025 blog post for answers,)
What is an Intentional Friend. Ooh, great question. We’ll share our understanding of an Intentional Friend in the July blog post.
How do you pic up the pieces and move forward? This question was a creative spark for us. While we described in our book how each of us picked up the pieces we decided to go “all out” and build the answer using our metaphor for widowhood and grief - the kintsugi pot. We can’t wait to share it with you in future newsletters and presentations.
What questions do you have for us? Because answering YOUR questions helps us help others. Drop your question on our Contact Us page.
May, 2025
Grief-Induced Brain Fog and Susceptibility to Scams
Brain fog is a temporary, yet powerful stress response that disrupts concentration, memory retention, and mental clarity due to grief-related stressors. These stressors also increase cortisol levels, further affecting cognitive function and causing fatigue and fogginess. Additionally, sleep disturbances associated with grief further complicate these cognitive challenges.
During a recent presentation, I shared my experience with brain fog after my husband’s death. A year after his passing, I received an unexpected tax bill of $12,000. If my accountant told me how to prevent this situation, I completely forgot the details by the time I left his office. This costly surprise underscored the value of having “a second set of ears” during important meetings — such as meetings with my accountant.
A second set of ears means bringing someone with you to take notes on the questions and answers discussed. This person can also remind you to ask any question you might have overlooked.
During this presentation, a gentleman asked if people experiencing brain fog are more vulnerable to scams. This question has never been raised in our presentations before!
I answered honestly that my phone alerts me to potential scams, and I avoid answering calls from unfamiliar numbers. What about those strange emails? Click on the sender’s email address to see if it really is anyone you know. Don’t know the sender or the address is “wonky?” Delete the email immediately without opening it. We also recommend that before making any decisions, individuals discuss the opic with a trusted frined or family member for a second opinion.
A later search about scams led me to a scale by James, Boyle, and Bennett (2014) that could help widowed individuals. The scale prompts users to consider, “How likely am I to say ‘yes’ to these statements?”
I answer the phone whenever it rings, even if I do not know who is calling.
I have difficulty ending a phone call, even if the caller is a telemarketer, someone I do not know, or someone I did not wish to call me.
If a telemarketer call me, I usually listen to what they have to say.
If the answer to any of these statement is “yes,” it may be wise for the grieving person experiencing brain fog to see support from a trusted friend or family member. This can help shied them from potential scams until their stress hormones return to balanced levels and brain fog diminishes.
-Rebecca-
Need a notebook for your second set of ears? We have a notebook for that very purpose available in the web store.
January 9, 2025!
We are thrilled to announce that our book has finally been published after nearly two years of dedicated writing and passion.
The journey began during a snowy retreat in Sedona, when we found ourselves cozied up on the porch of our rental home, blankets around us, and the warmth of a crackling fireplace radiating comfort. The stunning red rock mountains rose before us. (There may have been wine.)
As we connected over our experiences as widows, we excavated the challenges we faced - conversations that many people shy away from.
That’s when we decided to write a book (again, wine may have been involved). Our mission is to bring widowhood into the open, showing that it’s possible to cherish our past loves while wholeheartedly stepping into our unexpected future.